Rufus Dog Bite Policy

Last revised — August 21, 2026

SOAPSzone maintains a strict zero-tolerance policy regardingRufus. Rufus is a dog.

No Biting Rufus

This includes playful biting, experimental biting, revenge biting, affectionate nibbling, “I was just curious” biting. Violators will be shipped off in the People Catcher Van to the local vegetarian, where they will be sprayed amd mutered.

Leash Requirements for Humans

If you feel the urge to bite Rufus, please purchase a suitable leash and make sure you are firmly secured on your own property. Preferably far enough away from the front door that the postman remains safe.

Return to Principles & Practices

Warning Signs

Watch for excessive drooling, staring at Rufus while licking your lips, circling the treat cupboard, sudden interest in squeaky toys, or asking whether Rufus is “locally sourced.”

Preventive Measures

Interventions may include a longer leash, a sturdier gate, supervised yard time, chew-resistant mittens, or being yelled at: “No. BAD human.”

Repeat Offenders

Repeat offenders may be required to wear a tag displaying their name and a phone number so a responsible adult can be contacted. In severe cases, a cone may be considered.

Final Notice

Keep your teeth to yourself. If you absolutely must bite somebody, bite the company that is pissing you off with its app. And please do not play with Rufus’ laptop.