In a stunning announcement, Uber Eats has released what it calls its first futuristic rate schedule for lightspeed-capable delivery drivers.
“In light of the rapid development of technology, we felt it was necessary to project into the future and see what we could do to encourage our drivers to invest in lightspeed-capable starships,” said an Uber Eats spokesperson.
“We love the idea of thousands of Millennium Falcons delivering pizza across the galaxy.”
Under the new rate schedule, Uber Eats will increase its standard per-trip delivery fee to $5 for any order completed using a lightspeed-capable starship.
The company says drivers should have little difficulty covering the added cost of interstellar travel.
“We are also confident that the tips our drivers receive from our new alien clientele will be more than enough to help pay for the nuclear pellet fuel needed to operate their ships,” the spokesperson said.
Uber Eats says it is excited about what it calls a breakthrough into a new frontier.
“We are avid fans of Star Trek and Star Wars, and we know the future for our drivers is truly unlimited.”
This is a satirical piece and not a factual news report:)
